I'll introduce myself by sharing something I wrote back in June, 2009. It sums up who I am...
"Faith to Let Go of the Promise"
Hebrews 11: 17-19 By faith, Abraham, at the time of testing, offered Isaac back to God. Acting in faith, he was as ready to return the promised son, his only son, as he had been to receive him—and this after he had already been told, "Your descendants shall come from Isaac." Abraham figured that if God wanted to, he could raise the dead. In a sense, that's what happened when he received Isaac back, alive from off the altar. (The Message)
In the spring of 1999, the Lord gave me a vision and a dream and my life would never be the same again. In that moment, purpose and destiny was awakened inside of me and it was then that I knew the reason I existed and the impact I was to make on this world.
Returning to work the following morning, to my posh government job – where I was afforded such luxuries as a take-home vehicle, a cell phone, world-wide travel, yearly performance bonuses and cost-of-living salary increases – there was a sense of uneasiness and unrest in my spirit. There was purpose inside of me and I could no longer settle for simply working for a salary. Therefore, I knew that I wouldn’t be working there much longer.
So I began to write the vision. I wrote what I felt the Lord was telling me to do. The more I wrote and meditated on the vision, the more it became alive inside of me. I started studying and reading every book I could find on worship and dance. The Lord then started opening up doors for me to go into small churches and work with their dance ministries. After working all day, I’d volunteer and work with these small churches and teach and train them; I’d pour into them everything I was learning and everything the Lord was imparting into me. This was my training ground.
Then, the Lord gave me a name for the ministry and began to speak more to me about what the ministry was to look like and what my assignment was to this region. I wrote every detail and was determined to do everything He told me to do.
In December of 2002, three and a half years after receiving the vision, I resigned from my job – a job that if I were still working today, I’d be making close to six figures. In an instant, 60% of my household income was gone. Most people thought I was crazy! But I was following God and I knew that He had a greater promise for me to which no salary could compare.
In the months that followed (early 2003), I would withdraw every dime from my retirement savings and invest it into the dream that God had given me, believing that He would honor my faith and obedience and would multiply the seeds sown. I was amazed at the people the Lord brought to me; each year, they multiplied!
The next six years would be a journey of faith and a test of endurance like I’ve never seen or experienced before in my life. There were times when it took everything within me just to be able to stand. However, quitting was not an option. I was determined to hold fast to the promises of God, until they came to the fullness of fruition.
While the battles have been intense and the warfare at times severe, I’ve witnessed hundreds of lives touched and impacted through this ministry that the Lord has given me and have preached and taught at churches, conferences, retreats, and seminars all across this tri-state area. I’ve seen the Lord open doors and miraculously supply the ministry’s and my family’s needs. Countless people have been saved, healed, encouraged, and delivered! All praise and glory be to God!
So, here we are. Ten years after the initial vision was given to me by God. Six years after I stepped out on faith to obey Him and to allow Him to establish His work through me. And He asks me to lay it down – to put it on the altar – to sacrifice all the hard work and perseverance, the countless hours and tens of thousands of dollars invested, the warfare and struggles endured, and all that it cost me to get to this point. He asks me to sacrifice the very thing He gave me – the very promise through which He said my blessings would come.
And I’m reminded of Abraham and Isaac.
In Genesis 17, God promises Abraham and Sarah a son in their old age. He promised them that through this son, many offspring would come and Abraham would be the father of many nations. We see in Chapter 21 that God fulfilled His promise to them and blessed them with Isaac. But in the very next chapter, God is asking Abraham to sacrifice Isaac, his only son, through whom the promise is to come.
I can imagine what Abraham’s thoughts may have been:
- Why would you have even given him to me, if you were going to ask me to kill him?
- The promises haven’t been fulfilled, yet!
- What will happen with all the promises you made to me?
- What will I tell Sarah?
- I don’t understand, God, why you would ask this of me.
But according to Genesis 22, God told Abraham to sacrifice his only son in verse 2 – then in the very next verse (without hesitation) it says that Abraham got up early the next morning and went and did as the Lord commanded.
Even though he didn’t understand, even though he had questions, even though (I’m sure) he was grieved and his heart was breaking – he obeyed immediately. He didn’t sleep in late – didn’t wait a couple of days so that he could pray about it – didn’t talk about it or consult his friends – he simply obeyed, immediately. And he was abundantly blessed because of his obedience and faith to sacrifice the promise.
So my prayer is, “God, give me faith like Abraham – to obey immediately – even if it hurts, even if I don’t understand, even if people won’t understand my decision”.
And I’ll tell you this, it has taken 10,000 times more faith to let go of the promise than it ever took to believe for it, receive it, stand for it, or fight for it! It’s not just my life now that will be affected by my decision, but rather hundreds of lives.
By sacrificing Isaac, not only was Abraham faced with losing his only son, but generations to come laid in the balance. Killing Isaac would have meant aborting the promises of future generations – it would have meant killing the righteous seed, from which kings of nations would come.
And what about Sarah? He would have had to come down from that mountain and face Sarah, the mother who prayed and waited for a son.
But He chose to trust the promise-giver, in the face of all that was at stake. He trusted that even if he killed Isaac, God was able to raise him from the dead. Now, that’s faith!
So, like Abraham, I’m choosing to trust the promise-giver. Even with all that is at stake, even though it hurts and I don’t understand why I have to travel this road, I am choosing to believe that as I sacrifice this vision to him, He is able to resurrect it and make it into something beautiful in His timing.
